Today I regret the day we decided to move away from the beach on the KwaZulu-Natal Lower South Coast, where we lived in 2015/2016.
Today is not really a good day to write this blog. My mood and the weather are in perfect disharmony: thunder growls, rain drums down in relentless sheets, and a wild wind wails around the corners of the house. It’s the third week we’ve been all but locked inside by the cold and stormy weather, and my poor little “pity blanket” is starting to wear thin. You know the one—the imaginary shawl you wrap around your shoulders when life feels heavy, and you’re indulging in a good dose of self-sympathy.
The honest truth? There will never be a good day to write this blog. I’ve made so many wrong decisions in my life that I’d honestly rather not revisit them. Would I like to go back and make better choices? Of course. But not now, not at this age. If I can help it, I’d rather make no more decisions at all. I’m too afraid I’ll mess it up again… or worse, that the outcome will be even more of a disaster than the first time around.
But what would I rather do?
I’d rather swim at high tide, letting the waves crash over my head while I gulp mouthfuls of saltwater. And when I’m half-drowned, and someone heroically drags me to shore by the hair, I want to get up, shake off the sand, and dive right back in.
I’d rather walk barefoot under the sun with very little (or no) clothing, feeling my skin warm and alive.
I’d rather sit with my feet in a tide pool, letting tiny fish nibble at my toes.
I’d rather lie flat on my back under a wide, cloudless sky, as I did on the day the featured photo was taken, thinking about the good times I’ve had, the beautiful memories I carry with me, and the sweet, surprising joy of still being part of a life worth living.
I want to do all of this because I’d rather live fully in this day than sit around wondering how my life might have turned out if only… I don’t want to brood over where exactly things went wrong, or how I could’ve fixed it if I’d had a second chance, or even whether I should just be grateful to have come out the other side in one piece.
It’s a little too late for that now.
So instead, I’ll live today.
Because, as Elbert Hubbard once said:
“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”
seegogga
So glo ek ook mos, Hester! Geniet d dag( of d nag)
HesterLeyNel
Dis ‘n lekker droom, nè?
Anonymous
Dear mother, you made the best decisions under the circumstances dealt to you. Life handed you plenty lemons and yet here you are, still churning out lemonade. Not many people have the strength to do what you did. Its absolutely incredible.
HesterLeyNel
Thank you my beloved child. You understand me so well; it must be because of our shared DNA.
Amanda Claassens
Rou en eerlik. Elbert Hubbard het’n punt beet
HesterLeyNel
Ja, hy het, en dis ‘n vreemde soort troos, nè?
Anne
I have often wondered about what my parallel life would have been like. My children (and now grandchildren) make me realise that with all the ups and downs, I have been so fortunate in having them in my real life. Hold on Hester, hold on!
HesterLeyNel
Hmm, I guess we will never know.
woordnoot
Eish, laat my dink aan Cher se If I could turn back time….my timepiece sal teen die spoed van wit lig spin 😁
HesterLeyNel
Ek hoor jou!
Anuk
You have a wise child, Hester. I read in the comments: ‘you made the best decisions under the circumstances dealt to you’, and exactly THAT is what matters. There is never a wrong decision. Sometimes things turn out differently than you maybe expected, but hey: so you learn. Same with ‘mistakes’: they don’t exist. They just proof you’re not afraid to live, and you’re able to stumble and get up again. And again… So I love your last sentences: ‘I’d rather live fully in this day’… YES!!! 💙
HesterLeyNel
Yes, I am grateful to each of my three children who are my biggest supporters, and very grateful that I have have this day and this time to spend with them.
Anuk
❤️ (and I’m a little bit jealous, having no children of my own. ‘Getting’ bonuskids when they are teenagers is very different…)
HesterLeyNel
I cannot imagine a life without them, but two of my children remained unmarried and childless. The reckon they lack the enthusiasm and courage for a serious relationship and bringing up children of their own. This seems to be a very common decision these days.
Anuk
It was the same decision I made many years ago: I felt I didn’t have the courage either to commit the rest of my life to a child… So I understand the two of your children who are childless
Tannie Frannie
Hoe diep laat jy my nou dink. My gedagtes oor hierdie vraag is baie dieselfde as joune, Hester. Ja, dankbaarheid dat ons in een stuk (gekneus, maar nie gebroke nie) anderkant uit is, is dalk die beste slotsom! As ek kon, sou ek ‘n hele paar enkele dae wou herleef, maar nie ‘n hele jaar nie … En daardie dae is amper almal iewers langs die see.
HesterLeyNel
Naomi, die Basoetoevrou wat Karen se oppasser was van geboorte af, het altyd gevra dat ek vir haar ‘n bottel seewater huis moet bring na ‘n vakansie – sy het geglo seewater bevat sterk medisyne. Dalk moet ons dit bemark, het my man gesê. Toe het ons haar een jaar see toe geneem en sy was te bang om haar voet in die bewegende water te sit. Die lieflike ou siel!
Tannie Frannie
Ek onthou daardie bottels seewater …
Anonymous
Ek sou nie n ding verander nie. As mens kan terug gaan en foute tipex, sou jou [lewens] boek tragies vervelig wees. Hindsight is always (tegnies – meestal) 20/20. If, buts en maybes mors kosbare tyd en is negatief vir jou welstand. Kyk noord en… Vang vis. 🙂
HesterLeyNel
Ja, dit is seker so, maar ek dink daar is min mense wat nie sommige dele van hul lewens berou nie. Maar ek wil dit definitief, vir geen geld in die wêreld probeer oordoen nie, want dan maak ek dalk net ‘n groter gemors.