#AtoZchallenge (2018) F is for feeling Frightened

My theme for this challenge is “feelings” of a sexagenarian and the influence of social media.

My tema vir hierdie uitdaging is “gevoelens” van ‘n sestig-plusser en die invloed van sosiale media.

English (Afrikaans below):

Frightened: feeling afraid or anxious. As a child, I was afraid of my own shadow. I was scared of the boogeyman under my bed, or maybe the one in my cupboard; in fact, I was quite sure that one of them lived in the family bathroom. By the tender age of ten, I was suffering from a severe chronic bladder infection.

Adulthood brought little relief; by then I realised that the boogeyman is my boss, the guy standing behind me in the bus queue, the friend of a friend who asked me out on a date … suddenly real people scared the hell out of me.  Our generation was taught to be docile and obedient, to respect our elders in all matters, to believe in the government, the church and the law enforcement bodies. I only perceived the flaw in this philosophy much later in my life when I realised that blind belief in authority blinded me to the reality of oppression, deception and exploitation that is at the order of the day in this country. I blame my ancestors, the government, the church and the public education system for not preparing me better for the reality of life.

The role of social media: I learned more about people, science, history, literature, financing, political science, religion, etc., in these few years that social media has been available to me than I ever did in my home, school and church or from personal experience. My feeling is that if similar public forums were available to me earlier, I would have been mentally and emotionally better equipped to successfully process today’s social problems. Today’s emoji: 😰

Afrikaans:

Bang: bevrees of angstig voel. As kind was ek bang vir my eie skaduwee. Ek was bang vir die paaiboelie onder my bed, of dalk die een in my kas; trouens, ek was heeltemal seker dat een van hulle in die familie-badkamer gewoon het. Teen die tyd toe ek tien jaar oud was, het ek aan ‘n ernstige kroniese blaasinfeksie ly.

Volwassenheid het weinig verligting gebring, want toe het ek besef die paaiboelie is my baas, so ook die man wat agter my in die tou staan by die bushalte, die vriend van ‘n vriend wat my gevra het om saam met hom uit te gaan … skielik was ek bang vir regte mense. Ons geslag is geleer om inskiklik en gehoorsaam te wees, om mense ouer as ons in alle opsigte te respekteer, om in die regering, die kerk en die gesag van die wet te glo. Ek het die fout in hierdie filosofie baie later in my lewe agtergekom toe ek besef het dat blinde geloof in gesag my blind gemaak het vir die werklikheid van onderdrukking, misleiding en uitbuiting wat aan die orde van die dag is in hierdie land. Ek blameer my voorgeslag, die regering, die kerk en die openbare onderwysstelsel daarvoor dat ek nie beter voorbereid was op die werklike lewe nie.

My waarneming is dat die hele mensdom deesdae voortdurend kwaad en/of op verdediging is. Die resultaat hiervan is dat meer en meer mense hulle probeer onttrek van die samelewing. Ons leef agter hoë mure en geslote deure. Afgesien van die gevaar van gewelddadige lyflike aantasting, is daar ook die onverskillige manier wat mense te werk gaan met mekaar se gevoelens. Die ondeurdagte veroordeling van ander se denkwyse, die bewustelike vernedering van liggaam en siel en die gebrek aan empatie veroorsaak aggressie en teenaanvalle.

Die rol van sosiale media: Ek het meer geleer oor mense, wetenskap, geskiedenis, literatuur, finansiering, politieke wetenskap, godsdiens, ens., in hierdie paar jaar wat sosiale media vir my beskikbaar was as wat ek ooit in my ouerhuis, by die skool en die kerk of uit persoonlike ervaring geleer het. My gevoel is dat as soortgelyke openbare forums vroeër vir my beskikbaar was, ek geestelik en emosioneel beter toegerus sou gewees het om vandag se sosiale probleme suksesvol te verwerk.  Emoji vir vandag: 😰

Read all my entries for the #AtoZchallenge (April 2018) here.