#AtoZchallenge (2018) Q is for feeling Quarrelsome

My theme for this challenge is “feelings” of a sexagenarian and the influence of social media.

My tema vir hierdie uitdaging is “gevoelens” van ‘n sestig-plusser en die invloed van sosiale media.

English (Afrikaans below):

Quarrelsome: given to or characterised by quarreling (argumentative, confrontational): Afrikaners are quarrelsome, argumentative and confrontational by nature. They find it very difficult to agree on anything. Growing up, we quickly learned to accept squabbles between neighbors, friends, political opponents and persons of different religious backgrounds as normal, even desirable.

In those long-ago days, we had no internet, social media, mobile phones or even television in South Africa. Most people did not even have telephones in their homes. So, how did they communicate their grievances and settle their arguments? Well, those who had proper schooling sometimes wrote letters to their adversaries (or their attornies). In the political arena, rallies were held where supporters and their leaders could meet in person in the city hall; those that had the gift of the gab acted as spokesperson for the various parties. Political rallies often turned particularly raucous, but seldom came to blows. Participants debated with sarcasm and wit, but the language remained fairly civilised (in public, that is).

However, the most interesting and heated arguments that my siblings and I ever heard, were those that took place between the housewives in a small mining village where we lived for a while.

None of the women ever left their houses to visit the neighbors or to gossip over the fence, yet there were constant quarrels among them. Whenever this happened, they just opened the window closest to the street front and started trading insults, at top volume. The incredible thing is that they seemed to know each others’ most secret sins and insignificant weaknesses. How???

Luckily for us, ours was the only working mom in the street and therefore not at home during the day to forbid us from eavesdropping. She would have died of apoplexy had she heard them shouting their abusive insults. Those women knew how to call a spade a spade without beating around the bush.  Sometimes the domestic helpers joined their employers in these verbal assaults and then the language turned really interesting, to such an extent that we had to ask the older children to translate.  We quickly built up an impressive vocabulary.

The role of social media:  If I ever cherished the thought that I’ve heard it all during my childhood and knew all the ways that people could insult each other, I was quickly and rudely disillusioned once I started using social media. It is not only the language (adding to my vocabulary again) or the insults that users shower upon each other, but the unnecessary nit-picking that gets to me. Do not dare to make a spelling error, get a fact wrong, criticise a dress code or raise a difference in opinion when discussing a recipe – you will be torn from limb to limb by whoever is linked to the internet, in the vilest manner possible. If you want to participate in social media discussions, you’d better know how to play hopscotch in the minefields. Those aunties from my childhood way back then would not have been able to compete. Today’s emoji: 🤬

Afrikaans:

Twisgierig: geneig tot of gekenmerk deur rusiemakery (dwarskoppig, konfronterend): Afrikaners is twisgierig, dwarskoppig en konfronterend van aard. Hulle vind dit baie moeilik om oor enigiets saam te stem. In ons grootwordjare het ons vinnig geleer om twis tussen bure, vriende, politieke teenstanders en persone van verskillende godsdienstige agtergronde as normaal, selfs wenslik, te aanvaar.

In daardie jare gelede het ons geen internet, sosiale media, selfone of selfs televisie in Suid-Afrika gehad nie. Die meeste mense het nie eens telefone in hul huise gehad nie. So, hoe het hulle hul griewe gekommunikeer en hul argumente opgelos? Wel, diegene wat behoorlike skoolopleiding gehad het, het soms briewe aan hul teëstanders (of hul prokureurs) geskryf. In die politieke arena is daar byeenkomste gehou waar ondersteuners en hul leiers persoonlik in die stadsaal kon ontmoet; die gladdebekke het as woordvoerder van die verskillende partye opgetree. Politieke saamtrekke het dikwels besonder rumoerig geraak, maar het selde op ‘n fisiese geveg uitgeloop. Deelnemers het met sarkasme en pittigheid gedebatteer, maar die taal het redelik beskaafd gebly (in die openbaar, bygesê).

Maar die interessantste en hewigste argumente wat ek en my sibbe ooit gehoor het, was dié wat plaasgevind het tussen die huisvroue in ‘n klein myndorpie waarin ons ‘n rukkie gewoon het.

Nie een van die vroue het hul huise ooit verlaat om die bure te besoek of sommer oor die heining te skinder nie, maar daar was voortdurend twis tussen hulle. Wanneer dit gebeur het, het hulle eenvoudig net die venster naaste aan die straatfront oopgemaak en begin om beledigings rond te slinger, in klipharde stemtoon. Die ongelooflike ding is dat hulle mekaar se mees geheime sondes en kleinste swakhede geken het. Hoe ???

Gelukkig vir ons was ons ma die enigste werkende vrou in die straat en dus nie tuis gedurende die dag om te verhoed dat ons die getwis afluister nie. Sy sou gesterf het aan apopleksie as sy gehoor het hoe hulle mekaar die gruwelikste beledigings toegevoeg het. Daardie vroue het geweet hoe om ‘n saak by die naam te noem, sonder om doekies om te draai. Soms het die huishoudelike werkers hulle by hulle werkgewers geskaar in hierdie woordestryd en dan het die taal nou eers interessant geword, soveel so dat ons die ouer kinders moes vra om te vertaal. Ons het baie vinnig ‘n indrukwekkende woordeskat opgebou.

Die rol van sosiale media: As ek ooit die idee gekoester het dat ek alles gehoor het en al die maniere waarop mense mekaar kan beledig in my kinderjare leer ken het, is ek vinnig en op ruwe wyse ontnugter toe ek sosiale media begin gebruik het. Dit is nie net die taal (wat weereens my woordeskat uitgebrei het) of die beledigings wat gebruikers mekaar toevoeg nie, maar die onnodige vitterigheid wat my onderkry. Moenie dit waag om ‘n spelfout te maak nie, ‘n feit verkeerd te kry, ‘n mode kritiseer of ‘n verskil in opinie uit te spreek wanneer ‘n resep bespreek word nie. Jou ledemate sal afgeruk word deur enige persoon wat toegang tot die internet het, op die gruwelikste moontlike manier. As jy wil deelneem aan sosiale media-besprekings, moet jy sorg dat jy weet hoe om eenbeentjie te spring deur die mynvelde. Daardie ou tannies van my kinderjare, sou nie kon meeding nie:  Emoji vir vandag: 🤬

Read all my entries for the #AtoZchallenge (April 2018) here.